UnLaoised

Nonsense from the Irish Midlands

Jul 2007

Lolbaby

I downloaded this pic of Aoife from the camera earlier today…

DSCN2729

…which I thought merited a "lolcat" type caption. See here.
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Famous People To Whom I Have Sold Booze And Fags

I have been selling booze in one form or another for the last 22 years or so, and in that time have had a number of famous customers. I don't know why I have never blogged this before, but I promise you this is all true.

Martin Amis - a regular in the off-licence in North Kensington. A sound bloke overall. Signed a few books for me. The first time I served him, I asked my Geordie colleague afterward did he know who that was. He didn't.
"That was Martin Amis" says I.
"Martin Anus? 'Ooooo the fuck's 'eee?"

Nigella Lawson - in her pre-Domestic Goddess days. Also her late hubby John Diamond. He was a really nice guy and I was genuinely saddened by his untimely death from cancer.

Dr Robert from The Blow Monkeys (He was mentioned in Twenty's post today , and I suppose that's what made me think of this.) He was another regular to the offie, and for a long time I didn't know who he was, but felt that I did know him from somewhere. One day, a new member of staff recognised him, the day he walked in with…

Paul Weller. We only ever saw him once, and the lad that served him had been a serious fan of The Jam. He bought four cans of Stella Artois. We thought about contacting the writers of Viz to see if they would be interested in doing a strip called "Paul Weller, The Bloke Who Drinks Stella."

Joely Richardson. Again I only met her once. This was when she was starring in "Lady Chatterly's Lover". Barely twelve hours had passed from when I had been ogling her naked person on telly, till she was standing before me in the shop. That was very awkward, and I didn't know where to look.

Mariella Frostrup. Every now and then she'd roll in at 11am for big bottles of Volvic and some smokes.

Michael Winner. He comes across in print and on screen as an arrogant, overbearing prick. I'm happy to report that he is indeed an arrogant, overbearing prick.

Rik Mayall. Bought a packet of fags off me once.

Brett Anderson from Suede. Bought a bottle of wine in our shop once.

Elvis Costello. Used to see him every now and then when I ran a wine shop in south Dublin. Had good taste in Bordeaux reds.

I'll probably think of more, and will add accordingly.

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On Ur Internetz, Starrin In Ur Videoz

As something of a cat-inclined kinda guy, it was probably inevitable that I would get drawn into the whole Lolcat thingie. I had actually never heard of it until Nat King Coleslaw did a brilliant adaptation of the concept for the election, entitled Lolpolz.

Anyway, here's the Lolcat video from YouTube:



And for more fine Lolcats, I Can Has Cheezburger is the place to look. It generates something like 30% of all the traffic to wordpress.com by all accounts.
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Well Done Padraig Harrington!

I have written before about how I am a jinx on Irish sports. So there I am this afternoon, when my wife rings me on the way back from Dublin, where she has been to see her new-born niece. "Turn on the telly", she says. "Padraig Harrington is leading the field in the British Open. He only has one hole to play."

So turn on the telly I did, only to see Harrington smack two shots into the water on the 18th.

I turned it off, and he went on to win it.

Meanwhile, the press are celebrating his win.

PH-Rag
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"Living In Shoebox In Middle of Motorway"

I know that this is very wrong, but whenever I hear of the story of the Roma living in the M50 roundabout, I can't help thinking of this Monty Python sketch.

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O'Reilly Guilty

So Joe O'Reilly has been found guilty of the murder of his wife Rachel.

This is a case that attracted a huge amount of public attention. The courtroom has been packed to capacity every day, and the papers have picked over every salacious detail as they were presented to the court.

Although many suspected that he was indeed the killer, I am surprised that the jury came to this verdict, based on the case put by the prosecution. As Mr Justice Barry White said in his summing up, much of the prosecution evidence was circumstantial.

Forget all the press coverage up to the trial itself. Would you have convicted him on the basis of the evidence presented by the prosecution?

I wouldn't have.
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Fidelity

When I lived in London, I used to be a bit of a hi-fi geek. I used to read the mags and knew which shops on Tottenham Court Road were worthwhile, and which were not. I always knew that a good hi-fi system consisted of "separates", i.e. each component was chosen separately, and the final system could be made up of components from several different manufacturers.

My first "hi-fi" was assembled while I was living with my aunt in Milton Keynes. It consisted of a Sharp tape deck, an amp (the make of which I have forgotten) and a pair of KEF speakers. I later added a record deck. It was known as a "linear tracking turntable", which meant that the whole arm moved straight across the record, rather than being mounted on a pivot. Back in 1986, a linear tracking turntable was a cool as a polar bear's arse, but sadly this one was a pile of junk. I was working part-time for an electronics chain called Tandy, and the deck was part of one of their own-label ranges called Realistic. Unfortunately, the sound it emitted was anything but.

As time went on, I got more into the whole hi-fi thing. For a vinyl junkie like me, the holy grail was a
Linn Sondek LP12. This was to turntables what Apple was to computers, but it was also practically unaffordable. The deck itself was one thing, but then you had to get a tonearm and a power supply. I wanted one so much, it hurt. And I never did manage to requite that desire.

In 1989, I upgraded almost everything. The amp was replaced by a NAD 3020e, which I still have. The tape deck, which I had flogged to the Record and Tape Exchange in Notting Hill a year earlier, was reinstated, this time by a Denon DRM 10. Being unable to stretch to an LP12, my compromise was a
Dual CS 505-3, which sat atop the whole lot. To set this off, I invested in a hi-fi table and speaker stands.

This kept me going for a few years, until I started finding it increasingly difficult to find new releases on vinyl. I had long resisted the move to CD, but finally in 1993, I succumbed. I swore that I would only buy the CD version of an album if I couldn't buy vinyl, but the truth is that I have never bought an LP since the day I brought that CD player home.

When I moved to France, I couldn't take the hi-fi with me, so I left it with my a mate of mine. I got it back after I moved back to Ireland, but one of the speakers got damaged in the moving around. As by then they were more than ten years old, I replaced them with a pair of Tannoys.

A couple of years back, when my wife and I were still living in Dublin, we invested in a couple of bookcases from Habitat for the apartment. We decided to put the TV and hi-fi into one of them, and so the hi-fi table fell from favour. I kept it though, as I felt that one day it would come to be useful again. By this time, the CD player and the tape deck had both given up the ghost, so I dumped them. The record deck was on its last legs too, but I was determined to get it fixed. As well as that, I had bought an iBook and an iPod, and so these had become the main sources of music for the apartment.

When we moved to the new house, the hi-fi-table was reinstated, though my wife let it be known that its days were numbered. Once the baby started crawling it would be a hazard and would have to go. So today I took it to the dump, along with the record deck that hasn't worked for years. I bought a new baby-proof cabinet for the TV and the remainder of the hi-fi (the amp, a DVD player and the Chorus box).

These days, the music is on the iMac in the kitchen. We rarely play a CD now. It's just to easy to use the Mac or to hook up the iPod to the hi-fi. I'm sure hi-fi enthusiasts would be appalled by the arrangements I have in place, but that's how it is in a house like ours.

Mind you, I think we could do with a decent set of speakers for the iMac…
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You Know It's Summer In Ireland…

…because the rain is warm. (Ah, the ould ones are the best!!)

This was sloshing around Inboxes all over the country yesterday, but just in case you missed it:


unknown
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The Truth In The News

This Modern World examines how the news works:

(click for full cartoon):


Picture 1
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Called To The Barry

Whenever I'm listening to the news on the radio, and hear of a court case being heard by Mr Justice Barry White, this is the image that pops into my head:

barrywhite
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Looking On The Bright Side

Rain, rain, rain.

Picture 2

(Click on the image to go to the Accuweather report.)

OK, so we're all pissed off about the bad weather. Farmers are having a terrible time and can't even get crops sowed, never mind harvested. Barbecues are going rusty. Patio furniture is swelling and starting to split. The flippin' country is in danger of dissolving and being washed away.

So can we take any comfort from the current weather situation? Maybe…

  • We have stopped talking about property prices and reverted to our traditional topic of conversation.
  • The countryside is greener than it has ever been. If we didn't have so much rain in Ireland, our dear little island home might be known as the "Somewhat Beige Isle"
  • If you are an umbrella manufacturer, you're in the clover.
  • The Met Eireann weather forecasters could take a long holiday if they wanted. All they would need to do would be to pre-record a number of forecasts predicting rain, and chances are they would be right.
  • You can pretend you are Gene Kelly and re-enact this:





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G'wan the O'Moore County!

Ever since we moved down the country last year, I have seen my long-lost interest in GAA matters start to return. Sadly, for my native county (Mayo), the summer is now officially over. They lost to Derry in the qualifiers yesterday, 2-13 to 1-6.

My adoptive county (
Laois), face Dublin in the Leinster Final today, and go in as underdogs. Mind you, Sligo were completely unfancied in their Connacht Final meeting with Galway last weekend, yet they came out on top. Here's hoping The O'Moore men can do something similar.
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Shepherd's Delight

DSCN2599

Sunset over Portarlington this evening.

Whenever I see a red sky at nighttime, I always think of the immortal words of
Viz magazine's Farmer Palmer:

"Red skoy at noight, shep'erd's deloight
Red skoy in't mornin', get orff moy laaand!!"
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Angles

I was walking through the Westbury Arcade in Dublin the other day, when I noticed that Angles was gone.

Angles was a little jewelry shop (and I mean little - more than four people and it was full) that did some really nice quirky stuff, much of it in silver. My wife was a big fan, and I was a frequent visitor there as birthdays and Christmas approached. We bought our rose gold wedding rings there, all those years ago.

Does anyone know if they have moved to new premises, or have closed down completely? It would be a shame if they were gone altogether.
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Unsullied

There was a survey in the news the other day which detailed the ebay habits of the Irish. Top of the list of ebay traders was Laois, who trade more per capita than any other county in Ireland.

Here's something that I maybe should have included in my
"8 Things" post - I have never used ebay. I haven't even registered an account. I don't know why. It's not that I am unaware of it.

Any other ebay virgins out there in the Irish blogging community?
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This Is Sick

Just fucking sick, I tell you!

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Peter Erskine, Someone Doesn't Like You

There have been a number of speculative items recently, both in the blogosphere and the Emm Ess Emm about who will be Apple's partner in Europe for the iPhone. I was doing a bit of research into the various companies and their respective networks, when I came across this on Wikipedia:

o2 wiki

"Surely", I thought, "the poor fella doesn't go through life with a name like that."

I had a look at the main O2 website and searched for the names of the directors, and this is what came up:

o2 dirs

So obviously, someone thinks that the CEO of Telefonica-O2 is a bit of a dickhead.

Update 11.07.07: The wikipedia entry has now been corrected.
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How Addicted To Blogging Are You?

via Segala:

78%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Click on the image to take the test yourself.

Meanwhile, Damien has started a campaign to
"Bring Back Blogorrah", who have been off-air for the best part of a month. The reason stated for their non-appearance is to do with bringing us the next-generation Blogorrah. But surely that can be done in the background, and be unveiled when it's ready.

And finally, IBEC have reported a sudden and unexpected increase in overall productivity in the economy for the second half of June…

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Not So Hot Gossip

Could The Gossip please just fuck off?

Beth Ditto can't sing, her band sound like they have never graduated from their parents' garage, and their song "Standing In The Way Of Control" is so clichéd, it makes Liam and Noel Galllagher's songwriting look like that of Leonard Cohen.

I don't care that Beth Ditto is overweight, or a lesbian or an exhibitionist. I do care that people think she and her band have musical talent, and that her God-awful "music" gets so much airplay.
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8 Things

Treasa asked nicely, so here goes:

1. I have
mentioned before that "Gerry O'Sullivan" is a pseudonym. The "Gerry" bit is a derivative of one of my forenames (Gerard), which may or may not be the name everyone knows me by. "O'Sullivan" is my mother-in-law's maiden name.

2. I have an unusual (real) surname. I have never met anyone, or have heard of anyone, with the same forename and surname combination as me. A Google search of my real name will only bring back results relating to me.

3. I have thought long and hard about sharing the next nugget of information.

4. I am related to Ryan Tubridy. He is a third cousin, through my paternal grandmother. I have never met him.

5. I spent a year in Alsace in the mid 90s, and as a result I now speak French with a marked Alsatian accent.

6. I have an unnatural memory for numbers. I can remember registration numbers of family cars from thirty years ago, and phone numbers of places I worked in twenty years ago, but I often have to go back and check if I have locked the front door, or turned everything off before I leave the house.

7. Even though I was raised in a strong Fianna Fáil household, I have never voted for the party.

8. My daughter was the eighteenth grandchild for my parents, and the first for my wife's. Both of my wife's sisters are pregnant at the moment with their first babies, which will also be the first grandchildren for their respective in-laws.

In keeping with my policy on bloggy memes, I will not pass it on.
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One Bottleneck Gone, Another One Created

The partial opening of the new Gorey bypass will bring welcome relief to the residents and traders of this notoriously traffic-choked town. It will not be such good news for other towns on the route, however, as the jam will just move on to the next obstacle. Enniscorthy, watch out.

Once again, this is a road that has been built to Motorway standard, yet is only designated as a National Primary Route. The N6 from Kinnegad to Kilbeggan is another. These roads are favourite targets by the cops for speed traps, as they know that motorists will travel them at speeds in excess of 100km/h. That these motorists are driving quite safely is irrelevant to our law-enforcement friends, of course. The law is there to be upheld, even when it is demonstrably an ass.

Even though the pace of development has increased in recent times, the overall motorway programme is moving along at a glacial pace. We were promised back in 1999, that by 2006, there would be motorways linking Dublin will all the major cities in the state. What has happened instead is that construction efforts have been concentrated around clearing bottlenecks. Most of the new motorways are completely new roads, being built on greenfield sites. Would it not have been possible to plan entire routes from one city to the other and just build the road?

Going back to the N11, we now have a fine motorway/dual carriageway from Shankill to Wicklow; followed by several km of an atrocious, narrow, windy road; followed by the Arklow bypass dual carriageway; the new Gorey bypass (all of which will be dual carriageway); a wide standard two lane road to Enniscorthy (which involves crossing a narrow bridge in the town); and finally more standard two lane to Wexford and Rosslare. The rest of the upgrade is still going through the planning process, and it will be years before the route is finished.

See the
NRA website for details of all current and proposed road scheme activity.
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O2 To Get iPhone?

The (London) Times reports today that O2 have secured the rights to the iPhone for the UK. Neither O2 nor Apple have confirmed the report.

Picture 1
Whatever happens, the deal done in Europe can't be done in the same way as the AT&T deal was done in the US. No carrier is present in all markets, so it's likely that all three of the big guys (O2/Telefonica, Vodafone and T-Mobile) will get some slice of the action. What will be interesting to see is who gets what in markets where two or all three of them operate.

The other issue is the technology. iPhone works on EDGE on AT&T, a technology that is inferior to the widely available 3G here in Europe. By the time iPhone arrives here, it could well be version 1.1 with 3G support. As long as it's not GPRS!
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Drive-By Shooting In Port'

Holy crap!

Meanwhile, in a parallel universe…

Sunday World
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